Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
