Got a toothbrush?
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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