Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
