I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I just found a bag of teeth...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
