the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
