Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
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