Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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