so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Randomize
