Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
