Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
