I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Is it penis luge time yet?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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