i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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