i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
