i will never coherently bang her
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
