Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Too much gin, very little bucket
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Randomize
