I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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