Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
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