I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
