Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
If I had your ass I would rule the world
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
