i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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