Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
