Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
