So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
