I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
