If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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