Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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