I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
