Kiss
Puke
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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