so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
