Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
