just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
