He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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