There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
