i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
