It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
