I feel like abortions should bother me more
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
