U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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