At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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