I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
