Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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