babies were throwing up all over the place
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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