If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize
