DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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