We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
