I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
