i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
