addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
