Don't you send me to vm
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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