Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
are you so shy because you have an std?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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