...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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