i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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