Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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