just come out here and I will go home with you...
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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