how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
